Weight, weight, don't tell me.

So, remember how I was excited to have gained my first pregnancy pound? I lost it. Plus some.

I asked Paula, the midwife we saw last week (they rotate us through the three midwives at the birthing center so that they all get to know us and us them), about it because I've been eating like a horse lately and haven't been doing any crazy Richard Simmons-like workouts at the gym - you know, things that would warrant weight loss at the beginning of my second trimester, the time when most women have started gaining something. She said not to worry, that everyone is different and that since LBH's heartbeat is so strong and my uterus is growing the right amount and is in the right position then everything else is fine. She said weight really is just a byproduct of being pregnant and doesn't dictate whether or not the baby is healthy (unless, of course, there's extreme weight loss or gain, but that's a medical concern anyway). With a smile, though, she did promise that the weight would come eventually and hang around for a while. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind about that one!

In other, vaguely related news, my appetite has returned to mostly normal. For about three weeks, I was hungry all the freakin' time. I know it was because LBH was going through a major growth spurt, but it still caught me a little off guard because in general I don't eat all that much. The increase in appetite never encouraged me to eat more in one sitting (I was never the pregnant woman grazing the buffet table for hours and hours) but did encourage me to eat more frequently. I got used to it easily and aptly planned for eating breakfast before leaving home and then again after third period, eating one small lunch during fifth period and another during seventh, eating a snack after school, eating dinner and then following it up with another snack before bed. But yesterday I didn't even eat my second lunch or my after school snack. I just didn't need it. It's nice not to feel like I should strap a feed bag around my neck...although I'm sure this, too, will change in a couple weeks (or sooner).

Sometimes I look at my belly in the mirror and exclaim "Oh my gosh! Just look at my belly!" I think that at this point the only people who can tell that I look at all different are me and people who are close to me. To everyone else, I probably look like a totally normal girl with a bit of a belly. But when I make exclamations about my expanding body, it's not because I think I look fat; it's because I'm so amazed at what all is happening right beneath my skin. Sometimes when I say "Holy cow! Look at that!" as I pull up my shirt and run my hand across my abdomen, Kelly follows it up immediately with the standard good husband line, "You look great!" So I have to explain: "I know!" Because there's this amazing little life growing in me and that's crazy cool. I really like being pregnant so far and I feel very fortunate to be able to go through this whole process.

One hundred sixty-four

We had another appointment today. It was the usual: "How are you feeling?" "Do you have any questions?" "Here, sign this paper." I peed in a cup (and all over my hand, but that wasn't technically part of the test) to check for things like hCG count and an asymptomatic urinary tract infection. Then she drew my blood to test for things like blood type (I know already I'm B+), syphilis (a state requirement), and anemia (which was a problem, I've been told, for my mom and her sister, but so far I've been fine). She offered to add on there an HIV (and other crazy disorders) screen, but we declined. I told her it had been long enough since my intravenous drug use days in dark, dark alleyways that I wasn't concerned any more. (It's a good thing she has a sense of humor because I said that without thinking that she doesn't know me well enough to know that I meant that entirely in jest.)

Then (cue hero-reaches-the-pinnacle-of-the-movie music), she pulled out a little white machine and a bottle of cold blue goo. I wiggled my pants down a smidge and she applied the cold blue goo to my belly with her Star Trek-esque device. She made a few slow passes across my lower abdomen, picking up my heartbeat a few times, but nothing close to a baby sound. Kelly and I were just starting to get worried that LBH wouldn't cooperate or, worse, that there was nothing to hear any more, when she moved the chess piece-sized gameboy lower toward my pubic bone. Then, clear as day, she picked up a quick, strong, definite wooshing sound. I already knew that was it - and probably Kelly did too - but it didn't hit me until she said: "There it is," and her voice smiled.

It was so cool, I laughed a little in amazement. My little tummy vibrations moved either her device or LBH and she had to search again, but this time, knowing LBH was so low, she picked up the magical little noise again quickly. I think Kelly and I held our breath for a few seconds, just listening. We both grew a little teary-eyed. She gave us a minute before she commented on how strong the heartbeat was and told us that it was beating at 164 beats per minute. Then she let us listen in silence a bit more. I think I broke the silence first when I looked at Kelly and said, "It's real," which prompted us talking about how cool the whole thing was.

Eventually, she put the Doppeler away and we finished the appointment and made a date for our next appointment four weeks out. But it was there, nice and strong and loud: our baby's heart. There's no doubting it now. There's no reason left to wonder (yes, we've been so silly) if maybe we wanted it so bad that our hopeful thinking wasn't just making me have symptoms of a pregnancy that didn't actually exist. The countdown is real, the hopes are real, the dream is real.

It was the coolest, most magical, most wondrous noise I've ever heard in my whole life. I don't worry about being worried or scared or full of concern any more. Now, I'm just excited. And now that I'm certain that everything is real - real times one-hundred-sixty-four - it's even better.

How many?

So...Did anyone else notice the lowered number in the countdown above? Did anyone else notice that we have less than 200 days left?

Does that seem like a big deal to anyone else?

Because for some reason, less than 200 days seems like right around the corner all of a sudden...

The Final Week

Yup, it's the final week of my first trimester already. To celebrate, I gained a pound! Well, it wasn't really to celebrate; it just sort of happened. But it's the first pound I've gained this whole pregnancy so I'm pretty excited about it. I had a student tell me today that I still don't look pregnant and that she thinks maybe I need to eat more. I told her that I already eat as much as a horse these days and that I don't think I could possibly eat more. She seemed skeptical.

I'm starting to feel a little more normal, too. Normal as in I went to the gym tonight. I think it's a combination of not being so bogged down at work every day again (teaching really is tough work!) and moving into my second trimester. I didn't exactly push myself at the gym, but then again I'm not going there to be slender and lose weight. I just want to stay in good condition so that when the time comes I can have this baby out in under twenty minutes flat. (I've told Kelly that's my goal. He insists that even I won't be able to control my labor process. I told him we'll see.) Plus, if I make a habit out of couch sitting and ice cream eating, I'll never fit into my jeans again...and my jeans are way too cute to give up.

It's a Bump!

Today is my first day with a noticeable baby bump! The particular skirt I wore today had to be worn unbuttoned (more because of real discomfort than because I physically couldn't do it up) and three different women, unsolicited, commented that I was showing a beautiful little bump. It's exciting to have an outward physical sign that there's a baby growing inside of me!

I was so excited that I had Kelly take a picture of LBH tonight.



It's little, but it's there! My belly even feels different to the touch and, of course, this all looks a little different in actual clothes than it does here in the weird light and pajamas.

Angela and I

Well,
I just wanted to thank all of you for reading the blog. We're getting so much feedback on this that it's a little humbling. I also wanted to take just a quick moment to let everyone know how well Angela is doing. Sometimes she can be a bit modest, so I thought I'd talk her up a bit. Like all pregnant women, she's had a river of hormones flowing where a small creek used to, and she hasn't let it effect her mood or demeanor in any real way. She may cry a bit more at a sad scene in a movie, but that's just kind of sweet. I have to admit that I was worried about how pregnancy would effect her. Angela is beautiful, intelligent, and a powerful woman who loves me better than I often deserve. My worry, however stemmed from how in tune with her body she is, and how that can manifest itself into... shall we say periodic less than pleasant moods. When she's hungry for instance, I make my #1 A+ priority getting her some grub.

But to her credit, she has taken all of this in stride.

She's all I could ask for in a wife, and I'm really looking forward to her being a wonderful mother to our children.

Heartbreak Hotel

Well, we thought we would get to hear the heartbeat at our appointment two weeks ago, but as it turns out, it was too early in the pregnancy for that. So when we left that appointment we set up another appointment for two weeks out (which would be tomorrow) to go in and just listen to the heartbeat.

However, we realized today that Kelly's leaving for a two-day work trip tomorrow and will miss the appointment. Even though we've been talking about both events - our appointment and his trip - for two weeks, we never realized that they're concurrent events until this afternoon. With our work schedules and the classes Kelly's taking this semester and the fact that I work so far from downtown (where our birthing center is), we really can't reschedule this appointment until next week...but then we're just one more week out from our next-scheduled appointment. So, in short, I called today and cancelled our appointment for tomorrow and made a new appointment for two weeks from tomorrow. (We'd talked about the possibility of me going without him, but quickly got over that idea. It wouldn't be the same; and part of the magic of this is being able to go through things together.)

In other news, my appetite has picked up over the last few days. Yesterday, I went to breakfast with Patri at the Trolley House - a place in Boise that feeds you monumental-sized portions of truly yummy food. I reaized at one point that she was done with her meal - and had been done for ten minutes or so - but I was still eating mine (although I was starting to feel full). I commented on this and she said, "I know. I've been taking bets with myself to see just how many more bites you would take." It was funny, but I don't think I took many more bites after that. :-)

Growing a New Stomach

Last Tuesday I noticed that my stomach isn't as flexible as it once was. The change is subtle and doesn't inhibit much movement - just arching my back or twisting my torso a lot.

And today, a fellow teacher told me I'm starting to show and that he thinks I'll be in maternity clothes soon. I was a little shocked by this; it's been a while since someone's looked me in the face and said, "You're fat!" I'm discounting his opinion on this one because 1)I'm only 10 weeks along, 2)I still haven't gained any weight, 3)when I told students today, they all told me they couldn't tell, and 4)he's a man and, I'm convinced, men say stupid things when they don't have anything else better to comment on.