Birth

I think Kelly did a great job of summing up Eleanor's birth in the last post, but people have been asking for my story so I figured I'd fill in some of my own perspective details in a new post.

I woke up last Monday around two in the morning, pretty sure what woke me up was a contraction. I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions off and on for about a week, but what I felt then was different. I stayed in bed until around three, feeling two more contractions, before I came downstairs. I couldn't get back to sleep right away and I wanted to make sure that these really were labor contractions so that I knew if Kelly and I needed to call into work or not. I ate and played on the computer until about four, when I was certain that these 25-minute-apart pains were the real deal. Then I went upstairs and woke Kelly up. We timed three more of them and around five, we called in to work before going back to sleep.

We woke up again around nine and timed a few more contractions - this time they were about 15 minutes apart, but still nothing to be concerned about. I could easily walk through my contractions, talk through them, even joke through them. We ate breakfast and discussed our plans for a leisurely morning, knowing that this beginning portion of labor can take hours and hours. Kelly called our birthing center and talked to Jill, letting her know where I was in the process and telling her our plan to go play scrabble at a downtown coffee shop. She said we were doing everything perfectly and to just call back later that afternoon to check in.

Before leaving, we both wanted a shower so, since I take longer to get ready, I went first. While Kelly was in the shower then, I got dressed. Or, rather, I started to. All I got on was my underwear before my water broke. My response was a surprised, "Oh! Oh my! Oh...kay," as I made my way to sit on the toilet. Kelly turned off the water and asked if I was OK and I told him my water broke. He asked if I was sure and I told him "That wasn't pee!" So he finished up his shower and while I got back in to rinse off my legs, he called the birthing center again.

Paula showed up at about a quarter to noon and Shelley came about twenty minutes later. In that time, I had two more gushes of broken water and my contractions went from easy and ten minutes apart to very serious and about two minutes apart, giving me no time to adjust to the change.

I don't remember much from the rest of the afternoon because it all seemed to go so quickly, even though in the moment it felt like it was taking forever. Right at the beginning, I know, I threw up - I think because I didn't have time to adjust to the immediacy of the pain. And after that, the smell of food made me nauseous again. That meant that I was hungry and a little dehydrated when I was done, but it meant also that Kelly was starving because even the smell of food on his breath was too much for me. At one point, I remember being aware of a light, sweet floral scent in the room - what I later came to realize was a candle burning. Kelly was surprised that I didn't know what it was, but I really did have other things on my mind. At another point in the evening (I have no idea now if this was before or after the candle), Kelly and I went into the bathroom and I looked at the clock and saw that it was six. I remember wondering how that was even possible because the last time I was aware of the time, it had been noon when everything was getting started.

In addition to throwing up, I think that lack of transition from easy to difficult contractions made it difficult to think in the beginning. I remember Paula and Shelley asking me some questions and not having any answers for them. I kept telling them "I don't know" and "I don't know what to do" and they were OK with that - but then nothing was getting done because no one was deciding anything, so I told Kelly to decide and to just tell me what to do. Letting him make decisions was a decision I knew I was comfortable and confident making. After that, he sort of handled the decisions until it was all over.

The time to push was a welcome time for me. I was at a spot where contractions were incredibly painful, but the time in between was actually almost relaxing. The room was dark and I was laying comfortably next to Kelly, so when I wasn't having a contraction I could relax and almost take a micro nap. But I knew that pushing would end the contraction portion of the whole deal, so when Paula said I could start bearing down with the next few contractions, I took her up on it.

After a while of that, we started the real pushing part of the night - a period of about two hours, I think. I remember feeling a little defeated about the business of pushing Eleanor's head past my pelvic bone. I felt like it was an arduous task that had little progress with each push. I even apologized to everyone for taking so long. I think part of what made it difficult for me was not being able to feel any progress inside. It just felt like I was pushing for no reason. At one point I remember saying that I needed a break, that I wanted a nap so I could keep going. I think they kind of laughed and Paula told me that just wasn't an option at that point. A contraction or two later, she pinched her index finger at the first joint and said, "Angela, that's all you have left to see your baby. She's right there!" At that point, I knew I could do it. I figured that I had done a whole lot more than that without a nap, so that little bit should be easy.

Finally, Paula told me to reach down and feel Eleanor's head - and there it was, ready to come out! It was one or two contractions later that I could tell from the excitement in everyone's voices that I was almost there and, even though I was exhausted and don't know how I did it, I gave one more push. And that's when Eleanor's head came out. I was surprised because, like I said, I couldn't feel anything until this point; but all of a sudden, I definitely felt something. I could hear Kelly, who was behind me through the pushing, holding me, fanning me, and letting me bear down and pull against him through each contraction, almost start crying. Paula told me to relax for a moment while she positioned Eleanor's shoulders and then with two little pushes, her top shoulder was out. The plan had been for me to reach down and pull her out after her shoulders were through, but after one more little push, not only did her bottom shoulder come out, but so did the rest of her body. Paula immediately picked her up and put her on my chest, belly to belly. Eleanor planted her hands on me, lifted her head and stared right at my face, then right at Kelly's, as though she needed a look at the source of these voices she's been hearing for so long, before putting her head back down and nuzzling me for warmth.

Kelly and I were awestruck by this little girl already, talking to her, touching her, welcoming her to the world. And at that moment I became aware of my surroundings, the pain went away, and I started to feel like myself again. I would definitely say that the process was tiring and painful and at times difficult and just plain daunting. But my overall impression of the day is one of fullness and satisfaction. I spent the entire day bringing another life into the world and being loved and cared for by my husband.

A lot of people have asked me already what I thought of the home birth experience, if I would do it again or not. I say yes. April 6 was one of the best days of my life, pain and all, because of how connected I was able to be to my environment, to my partner, to myself and eventually to my baby. I can't imagine going through this process any other way. I have high and sincere gratitude for the friends and family who have helped me through my pregnancy and through the first ten days of being a mom, for the women at Treasure Valley Midwives who also helped me through my pregnancy and helped prepare me for the most memorable and adventurous day of my life, and for Paula and Shelley who spent twelve hours at my house making sure Eleanor came safely into the world. Most of all, though, I am grateful for Kelly, who is always there for me. I couldn't imagine having a more thoughtful, loving, patient, supportive, intuitive and forgiving partner, not just through the birthing process, but through my entire life. Finally, I thank Eleanor, just for being my baby. I wouldn't want anyone else in her place.


This is, I believe, the first-ever photo of the three of us. She's nursing for the first time and totally rocking at it!


In this picture, Shelley's weighing little Eleanor. I guess this is also how you weigh fish...?


Here's Kelly dressing Eleanor for the first time. It was also the first time he'd dressed and diapered a baby ever.


Here we are again - the first posed family picture. I think all three of us look all right after such an exhausting day!


And finally, here's Eleanor the next day, all bundled up.